yes, i am desperately in love with johnny... it's why i got his name tattooed on my arm... johnny, to me, is who i have been searching for my whole life... in some strange way i feel that i am johnny... anybody who is broken inside and can't quite understand the why and the how of it probably feels akin to johnny...

i know that whenever i am in certain parts of hollywood i am on the lookout for him... i can see him in my mind's eye... i have those whorls of mutilated flesh memorized... i can see his sad smile with the broken tooth... i imagine how he would walk... how his posture turns in on himself... i want to find him and take him home, hold him in my arms and let him fall asleep and be there for him when he wakes up and tell him it's ok, i don't mind the screaming... i would make him tea and give him hot showers... but i know that none of that would fix him... and that's probably why we love him so much... he is the boy we want to make better but never could...